defying gravity
a few hours ago i concluded that today was not going to be a good day at work. i just feel really bored with it today. nothing bad has happened. no angry calls or e-mails. no one stressing me out either at work or outside of work. by all accounts, it should just be a normal friday. i feel flustered for some reason. and i don't know why. i think it's the boredom. there are some lingering issues i got with work. some days bug me more than others. i got promoted recently. yay. it keeps me a bit busier, but not necessarily much happier. i guess...it's just when you realize what's out there and you don't get it it makes it harder settling for the second choice. especially when you're feeling a little lowballed. strong word, but esentially that's what it is. in this case it's the promotion i got. that's sad. and it's making me sound really ungrateful. sadder because i don't even think the other job would have made me happier. i could just...financially rationalize it better, you know. that and i feel like i got the short end of the stick on the job i did land. i just kind of feel like a chump for taking whatever i could get. i feel like i was compromised somehow. and that's how i kind of felt like at work the past month or so. a chump. a yes man. i've tried explaining this before but i get flustered and i end up sounding angrier and more frustrated than i really should be. there's much larger issues going on and i really shouldn't dwell so much on my stupid little problems. but...i had to write about it once. just vent a little and move the fuck on. actually...that's what i plan on doing as soon as i can.