it's not a trick, it's an illusion

It’s funny. not to sound self centered, but there are people I feel that should be saying more positive things about me. Loved ones, like family for example. You have to expect that, right? A few words of encouragement or just anything nice wouldn’t hurt. Maybe highlight one of the many positives as opposed to mentioning the few negatives? Maybe there are no positives to associate with me. Could that be the point one is trying to get across? So, instead, I get the negative spin on something positive. Yeah…it bugs me. I don’t want it to, but it does. I just feel like a whiner. Insecure perhaps? But I think, to the average person, it makes him/her wonder “is there anything good to be said about me?’ I don’t know. Maybe I’m not a good person. That would answer a lot of questions I bring up. It really would. But, for the sake of argument, let’s say I’m a good person. A decent person at least. What is said to me should reflect how I’m described to others right? I don’t know if that’s the case. It’s like “Jevon, you’re *something positive* and blah blah blah blah blah” but to others it’s “Oh Jevon? He just does *something negative* blah blah blah is a boring person and deserves to burn in hell.” Okay, I’m exaggerating because I got bored with being nondescript. Anyhow…yeah. I’m starting to ramble. I’m just venting on things I think I’m over but, I guess, not completely so. That and I always wonder what my family’s conception of me is. Even other people’s conception of me. Like I think my friends have a good idea of who I am. My family…I don’t know. I don’t really talk much about myself unless I’m asked direct questions. I’ll talk…but I try not bring myself up if that makes sense. I don’t think I do at least. My friends…I will talk about myself to make fun of myself. That and the primary readers of my blog are my friends and my entries are pretty much me-driven. Got to vent someway, right? It’s good to be ignored. Maybe I’m just too defensive when it comes to my family. I don’t know. whatever. He he he…how many times have I ended an entry with the word “whatever”? I will look into that the next time I get bored.