i hate "work"
i really do. it's funny how angry i can make myself. i'll just let time some pass and wait for it to pass. i know i'll still be angry about it later or when i bring it up because, no matter how much time passes, shit still bothers me. really bothers me. nothing to do but man up or move on. oh well. i'm manning up. or is that just a rationale I undertake to make me think i'm doing the "right" thing. fuck if i know.
i feel old. just sometimes though. like yesterday myleene had some friends over. all freshman. probably all born in 1990. yeah....1979. whoop whoop! like the smashing pumpkins song. i love that song. but what the fuck. i don't know how to act in front of them. not like i'm the most mature person. but should i really corrupt their minds? so i didn't say anything perverted around them. i kept quiet. i focused on making dinner. one of them asked me how my day was. should i have responded "i fucken hate work. it sucks ass"? i wanted to, but i chose not to. "work was great. er..it was okay" focus on cooking. focus on using too much vinegar and not enough soy sauce. dangit. but this wasn't the only case of social awkwardness around youngens. two weeks ago i had lunch with jovan and two student workers. young guys. single guys. they were just talking about dating and picking up chicks. my mind is thinking about weddings so it was strange to hear the alternate side of things. so i stayed quiet. i listened. i chewed my kalbi 100 times before swallowing.
yeah...i haven't posted since August so I'll try to make this a long one.
marvin has asked for alternative/rock love songs. how about depressing songs? that's all i find in my ipod. i've sent him 5 songs...but they're not necessarily happy. like they're about being in love...but a bit of a dark take on love. like death cab for cutie "i will follow you into the dark." or "you can do better than me" mostly because the last line is "you can do better than me, but i can't do better than you." the closest i can get it jimmy eat world "for me this is heaven". i think Tom Delonge had JEW play this at his wedding. oh yeah...marvin asked for songs he could use at his wedding.
i'm not digging work. just frustrating. but you look at the big picture and their's much more frustrating things going on. more pressing concerns than all my little stupid ones. just need to relax. don't get mad at anyone. understand that some people were just raised differently. some people are just idiots. some are just too fucken narrow minded. some people lack manners. some people don't realize their being hypocritical. some people just like to vent and not do anything about it. i call myself out on that last one.